Category: Gallimaufry

Willie Jo Hall

December 27, 1914 – February 16, 2016

Willie Jo Hughes’ life began on a farm in Amity Arkansas, running barefoot and riding buckboards before there were cars.

Hardened by dust bowl, depression, poverty and war, she grew strength and resilience no modern man knows… and a smokey, dark-eyed beauty, one never sees anymore…

She didn’t smile much, but boy, did she love sombreros…

She married a dashing man, who liked cool cars – James Weldon Hall, October 30, 1937…

From Dallas to Tucson, they came in 1938, to raise family – five boys, with mixed results – four retards and one prince…can you tell which is which?

With her husband and sons, she traveled the world…

But nothing in life was more important than blood. Brothers Vern and Harold, and young sister Faye…

And grandchildren and their children…. who love her, so, so very much, today…

We thought she was ours always – our matriarch, our compass and cause of our being…

But she’s gone to her Lord. Rest in peace, Mom. We love you and will always miss you…

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Updates to The Daily Plasma and “Leviathan – Part Two” will publish in a week, or two.

 

 

Electric Universe And The Political Debate

Electric Universe Theory could become a topic in politics. Republican Candidate Ben Carson has expressed his doubts about the “Big Bang” theory in interviews this past week. “Science” bloggers have tried to make him into a “flat earth” crazy for having his doubts. We need to set the record straight.

ben-carson-tight-crop-restricted-large-169Far from being an ignorant flat-earther, Ben Carson is on the cutting edge of science. He is best known for leading one of the most complex neurosurgeries ever performed. In 1987, he directed a team of seventy doctors to successfully separate twins born co-joined at the head.

He was named one of the nation’s 20 foremost physicians and scientists by Time Magazine and CNN, a “Living Legend” by The Library of Congress, and was awarded the Presidential Medal and the Ford’s Theater Lincoln Medal by President George W. Bush.

There is even a made for TV documentary about him, “Gifted Hands,” starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. His scientific credentials far exceed those who criticize him.

He isn’t questioning Big Bang theory out of ignorance. He questions it because he’s a scientist. Few people outside the scientific community know this, because you won’t hear it from media, or scientists, but Big Bang cosmology is in serious trouble. It simply does not describe the Universe we see and cannot be validated.

The theory predicts a multitude of strange matter and energy that is not evident anywhere in the cosmos. New observations usually result in setbacks for the Big Bang, finding things it does not predict and not finding the things it does.

15-066The theory predicts that the Universe we see, with telescopes scanning space in every wavelength of the spectrum, is less than 4% of what’s out there. The other 96%-plus is assumed to be composed of “dark energy” and “dark matter.” They are “dark,” because they can’t be found. Dark energy and dark matter aren’t only invisible, scientists don’t know what they are.

Dark matter is thought to exist in a cloud around galaxies. They believe this because their model cannot explain spiral formation in galaxies without inventing something to hold them together. Yet they cannot find, or even describe what this dark matter is – they are just guessing.

Dark energy is believed to exert a force expanding the universe. Yet they can’t find it, or describe it’s properties. They can only say what it isn’t. Again, they are just guessing.

They have been guessing for almost a century now. Are we to believe in a theory that cannot describe 96% of the Universe? What kind of science is that? It’s nothing more than a plea of faith that the scientists know anything at all. Don’t we already have religions for that?

Big Bang theory predicts many things we can’t see and have found no direct evidence for: black holes, gravitational waves, wormholes, space-time, time travel – all great science fiction stuff – and all pure guesswork.

It cannot explain what gravity is, or why the Sun and the Earth interact instantaneously through gravity in order to maintain a stable orbit. There is no time lag for interaction at the speed of light and they can’t explain why.

0105-4x5color.aiIt cannot explain large scale filaments of electric current that connect galaxies across the Universe. It cannot explain the behavior of many “pulsars” and “gamma ray bursts” witnessed in deep space. It cannot explain the presence of “quasars” in galaxies that, according to their theory, are supposed to be billions of light years apart. It cannot successfully explain the behavior of the Sun, the most observed star in the Universe, or many of the properties found on planets and moons in our solar system.

General Relativity cannot be reconciled with other physics. The quantum behavior of nuclear physics can’t be explained in terms of General Relativity and attempts to reconcile it with quantum mechanics have never come close to succeeding. Everyone knows something is missing.

Even the few things General Relativity has “predicted” can be explained by simpler means. Phenomena that is purported to prove General Relativity, such as gravitational lensing, cosmic background radiation, planetary motion, time dilation of clocks sent into space – can be explained by alternative theories that nullify any unique proof of General Relativity.

General Relativity is conceived on the notion of space-time – Einstein’s cosmic fabric of four dimensions. Dimensions are just measurements. Measurements can be manipulated with mathematics to create a landscape, like a topographical map. But a map only describes the landscape – it doesn’t tell you what’s in it, what it’s doing, or what it is. Some of our scientists have confused the map with reality.

Look at reports from any NASA team after they obtain new observations. They begin with, “We didn’t expect this..,” or “Team is surprised…” Of course they are surprised. The “Where’s Elmo?” theory fails to predict anything real – only unknown, unseen “holes” and “dark” stuff.

Ben Carson is right. It’s time to rethink.

There is alternative science that explains our Universe with elegance and predictive accuracy, and without inventing imaginary matter and energy. The amazing thing is, it’s all classic physics. The Universe is full of electromagnetic energy – we see it on the Sun, we see it in comets, we see it on Pluto and every other planet and moon in the solar system. It is the organizing power we see all around us. Plasma is the reason.

IDL TIFF filePlasma is a fundamental state of matter, like solid, liquid or gas. It is the fourth and most abundant state of matter. Plasma is what we see in a flame, a lightning bolt, the aurorae at Earth’s magnetic poles and neon lights on beer signs. It’s a mixture of electrons and ions. An ion is a particle with one or more electrons stripped away, making it positively charged. Because plasma always has electrical charge in its electrons and ions, it produces magnetic fields.

As anyone who has used a magnet knows, they have the ability to pull things together and force them apart. Two like  charges push each other apart with great force. Two unlike charges, one positive, one negative, attract each other. That’s why a magnet sticks to the refrigerator door on one side, but falls off if it’s turned upside down. The force of even a small refrigerator magnet is able to overcome gravity with a force trillions of times stronger.

According to new theories coming from a rogue group of scientists from the world of applied science, rather than the institutionalized echo-chamber of theoretical cosmology, electricity and magnetic fields energize the Universe we see. It’s obvious what they propose makes good sense. All of the stars, and all of the galaxies, and all of the bright nebula, and all of the filaments of energy we see in the Universe is plasma. And all of it contains electromagnetic energy.

Big Bang cosmology disputes this, believing the weak force of gravity alone makes the universe work to create stars and galaxies. They assume all the ions and electrons cancel each other out, so they don’t have an effect on anything. This notion is absurd if you think about it. And adhering to it in the face of evidence makes it obvious theoretical physicists are just protecting their interests.

Snow Angel courtesy of NASALook at photos from the Hubble telescope and you will see bright, multicolored objects – planetary nebula, stellar novas, galactic nebula and spiral galaxies. They are all neon bright clouds of plasma, often forming organized patterns – spirals, hourglass figures and thousands of light year’s long beams of plasma. Gravity can’t do that.

What ‘Where’s Elmo?’ science does not recognize is the fact plasma does not allow the electrons and ions to cancel each other out. The positive and negative charges have magnetic fields that push and pull them around. The particles can’t fly in straight lines, running into each other like billiard balls, cancelling each other out. They are pushed and pulled in directions that separate the charge. The more they move the stronger the magnetic fields become, and particles organize into regions of magnetic fields and current flow, rather than dispersing like an inert cloud of dust.

Plasma is unique in it’s ability to self organize, creating sheaths of magnetic fields around current. Of course it’s a bit more involved than that, but I’ll let plasma physicists explain the details. This is a phenomena that electrical engineers and plasma physicists in applied science work with every day. It is known science developed by Nobel laureate scientists, backed by a century of repeatable experiment and observation. Big Bang theorists just refuse to consider it, preferring instead to support a theory they have invested their careers and our tax dollars into proving – without success.

Ben Carson is 100% right to question them.

For more information about Electric Universe theory, visit Thunderbolts.info

The Galapagos of the Southwest

North America’s Western Cordillera, from Alaska to Southern Mexico, is a wall of mountain. Except for a low point called the Deming gap, between the Rocky Mountain’s end at the Mogollon Rim, and the Sierra Madre Occidental in Mexico.

Chihuahua Desert grasslands spill west through the gap to mingle with cactus in the Sonora Desert. Both deserts span the area between Rockies and Sierra Madres, including southeast Arizona and northern Mexico.

nitro.biosci.arizona.eduPuncturing the desert are mountains ten thousand feet high, where rainfall doubles, snow falls in winter, and alpine forests thrive. This confluence of temperate and tropic, grassland and cactus, dry desert and pine-capped mountain creates one of the most amazing places on the planet.

It is the Madrean Archipelago. ‘Madrean’ is the floristic region’s name, derived from Sierra Madre. ‘Archipelago’ because forty distinct mountains poke through a sea of desert, each an environment of unique complexity. These are the Sky Islands of the Madrean Archipelago. Here’s ten amazing facts.

Northern Canada’s Southern Border

Their names, Penaleño, Galieuro, Huachuca, Chiricahua, Santa Catalina, Rincon and Santa Rita evoke the Spanish influence on the region. They rise abruptly from the valley floor. Piles of granite extrusion, caverned limestone and volcanic flow – wrinkled, faulted, folded earth. Each is an ecology of it’s own, or more precisely, several.

saguarosDrive Mount Lemmon Highway to the 9,157-foot summit of the Santa Catalina’s for a bio-tour from Mexico to Northern Canada – in just twenty-five miles.

Leaving Tucson, you begin in creosote chaparral, typical of Sonora. It’s so dense with plants you wouldn’t think desert if there weren’t needles to remind you. Barrel cactus, prickly pear and cholla grow thick, and thermometers read triple digits the entire summer.

A forest of Saguaro and occotillo blanket the slopes as you begin to climb. Within minutes, these yield to grasses, juniper, yucca and cooler breeze. It’s like Chihuahua.

A few miles farther are pine-oak woodlands. Pine-oak woodlands cover every Sky Island in the Madrean Archipelago; they come from Mexico’s Sierra Madre.

Above seven thousand feet are forests of ponderosa pine, denizens of the Colorado Plateau that marched down the Continental Divide.

Chiricahua

On the tallest sky islands are glades of fern, forests of aspen, spruce and fir, and temperatures thirty degrees cooler than the desert below – just like Canada.

Steeply gorged canyons collect snowmelt and rain into riparian ecosystems. Sycamore, willow and cottonwood fill the lower reaches, and streams tumble down cataracts to pool in box canyons, creating enchanting microclimates.

One can experience eight of the worlds twelve bioregions in a single day’s hike, and walk past a thousand different plants. This vertical variety of ecosystems is compared to the Galapagos Islands for its diversity.

The Most Critters In The U.S.

Twice as many mammal species than Yellowstone Park inhabit the region – 104 at last count. From common black bear to boar-like javalina, black-tailed prairie dog to tropical coati mundi, the region is one of the most diverse in the world.

There are 29 species of bat, alone. The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) recognizes the Sierra Madre and Madrean Archipelago as one of three biological “mega diversity” centers on the planet.

jaguarMany species are threatened. One hundred and fifty-three are listed as vulnerable. Man eradicated grizzly bear, but Mexican grey wolf, reintroduced decades ago has returned to some Sky Islands. Bighorn sheep have also been reintroduced to replace lost herds.

In 2013, a jaguar, largest cat of the America’s, and third largest of the worlds big cats, was photographed in Arizona’s Santa Rita’s. Ocelots have been photographed in Arizona, too. Both cats retreated far into Mexico, it was thought. These have come back, or perhaps they never left.

ocelotWhich raises a significant issue with a border fence. Many Sky Islands are in Mexico. The greatest diversity of creatures on the continent migrate hopscotch between them, and the border cuts their path. It is a significant issue in debate about the border to ensure protection of their migratory routes. The critters can’t apply for visas.

But Even More Birds

There are places on every birder’s bucket list. The Chiricahua Mountains are at the top, because half of all avian species in North America are found there.

The San Pedro River flows north from Mexico, to join the Gila. It is the most significant free flowing stream in the southwest. Flanked by the Dragoon’s and Chiricahua’s on the east, and the Huachuca’s on the west, it forms a corridor birds fly in migration, which makes the Dragoons, Huachuca’s, Chiricahuas, and the valleys between, their home every year.

Arizona-Sonoran-Desert-Museum-BirdSome birding hot spots:

  • Miller, Carr and Ramsey Canyons in the Huachuca’s. Thirteen species of Hummingbird are documented every year inRamsey Canyon. Birders can witness the Elegant Tanager, Eared Quetzal, Rufus-capped Warbler, Aztec Thrush, Brown-backed Solitaire, and others rarely, if ever seen elsewhere in the U.S.
  • Cave Creek Canyon in the Chiricahuas is famous the world over. Of special interest are wintering raptors. It is not uncommon to check 100 birds of prey off your list in a day, including the rare Ferruginous Hawk, Northern Harrier, Harris’s Hawk, Prairie Falcon, Bald Eagle, Golden Eagle, and Red-tailed Hawk.
  • The San Pedro Riparian National Conservation Area, managed by the Bureau of Land Management, is a 56,000-acre preserve along the upper San Pedro River. An estimated 4 million migrating birds travel there each year. It is home to over 100 indigenous species, including forty percent of all Gray Hawks in the U.S.

Needless To Say…

gila_thumb_0The area has the most reptiles, bees and ant species in the U.S. There are 135 types of snake, lizard, toad, and turtle living there.

The finest place to see and learn about the diversity and splendor of plants, reptiles, birds, mammals and insects that inhabit the region, is the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum. It’s located in the natural desert environment, next to Saguaro National Park, west of Tucson.

It’s ranked one of the Top 10 Museums in the country by TripAdvisor.com and contains 98 acres of zoo, aquarium, aviary, botanical garden, art gallery, mineral exhibit, and natural history museum.

Famous For Rocks

It’s not just plants and animals that define Madrean diversity; it’s the rocks too. The Sky Islands exhibit more mixed geological composition than any other place on the planet. Formed 13 million years ago from continental rifting, the mountains did not rise so much as the valleys sank away, leaving the hard rock standing.

roock The Chiricahua Range is a single massive volcano, whereas the Santa Catalina’s, Rincon’s, Penaleño’s and Dragoon’s have metamorphic cores of gneiss and granite. The other Sky islands are predominately limestone. This mixed composition presents a variety of soils types, which contributes to the wide diversity in plants.

No wonder Tucson is home to the largest Gem and Mineral convention in the world, with over forty show arenas throughout town, anchored by the prestigious Tucson Gem and Mineral Show held each year in February.

Its Where The Anasazi Disappeared.

The region is a crossroads for people as well as flora and fauna. It is the scene of one of the greatest mysteries of antiquity – the Anasazi, who left castles and cliff dwellings, roads, farms and kivas in the Four Corners area in apparent hurry in 1,300 A.D.

We may not know why they left, but we know where they went. They came here.

The Anasazi were only one group of Pueblo Indian. Puebloan culture extended from southern Utah and Colorado, throughout Arizona, New Mexico and Mexico. Cultural cousins to the Anasazi were the Mogollon, Salado, Paquime, Hohokam and other Puebloan people.

When the Anasazi departed Mesa Verde, Kayenta, Canyon de Chelly and other Four Corners pueblos, they fled south and joined these groups. Some followed the Rio Grande, or joined clans on the Mogollon Rim. Others passed through and found a home in Paquime, in Mexico. But many came to reside with the Hohokam, who lived along the rich riparian canyons of Sky Islands, and built sophisticated catchments and irrigation canals to water their crops.

Coronado’s Conquistadors Arrived

Portal_Peak_in_the_Chiricahua_MountainsThe San Pedro River Valley was a causeway for trade and travel to the Pueblo Indians, who traded with the Aztec. Artifacts spanning centuries from Chaco Canyon to Kayenta include Macaw feathers, obsidian mirrors and hammered copper that came from Aztec culture deep in Mexico.

When the Spanish arrived, they took the same trail. In 1540, Francisco Vasquez de Coronado and his conquistadors entered what is now the United States in the San Pedro Valley, near the Huachuca Mountains. They traveled north in search of “seven cities of gold” and found one hundred Indian pueblos, the Grand Canyon and Kansas before giving up on gold.

Today, several Sky Islands compose the Coronado National Forest.

Home For Eskimos

Before Spaniards arrived, Eskimo’s came to the Sky Islands. Navajo and Apache are of Athabascan origin. They migrated from Canada, like the spruce and fir that populate the mountains, and are genetically linked to today’s Eskimo.

GeronimoBands collectively known as the Chiricahua Apache made the Sky Islands home, and fought 150 years of war to stay there. The most seminal event of the Apache Wars occurred when Mexicans killed the wife and children of a man named Goyathlay. Today we call him Geronimo.

The crime fostered his vicious guerilla approach to warfare that had Mexican and American soldiers scouring the entire region. The complexity of the geography aided Geronimo, making his renegade band impossible to find.

General Nelson Miles, who captured Geronimo in 1886, built a heliograph station in the Penaleño Mountains to signal troops in search of the Apache. The place is still called Heliograph Peak. At one time, 5,000 troops hunted Geronimo and his band of a few dozen warriors.

Geronimo lobbied to the end of his life to allow his people to return to the Chiricahuas. President Theodore Roosevelt denied him, saying it would raise fear in the “local” people.

Astronomy Capital Of The World

NOAO_AURA_NSF
Kitt Peak. Credit NOAO/AURA/NSF.

Today, Sky Islands are home to more peaceful pursuits. There are twenty-five active observatories located on their peaks. Clear, dry desert air, low light pollution and peaks that reach seven to eleven thousand feet above sea level make this place tops for astronomers. That’s why the University of Arizona in Tucson is a renowned institution for optics and astronomy.

The Santa Catalina Mountains, north of Tucson are home for the Mount Lemmon Observatory, and the Mount Lemmon Sky Center, affiliated with the University. South of Tucson, in the Santa Rita Mountains is 8,550-foot Mt. Hopkins and the Fred Lawrence Whipple Observatory, operated by the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory.

Above the town of Safford brood the Penaleño range, tallest of the Sky Islands, where several observatories reside atop 10,720-foot Mt. Graham, including the Vatican Advanced Technology Telescope, the Large Binocular Telescope and the Mount Graham International Observatory.

Most famous of all, and the largest collection of optical telescopes in the world, is Kitt Peak National Observatory, at 6,875 feet in the Quinlan Mountains southwest of Tucson.

These connect the Sky Islands with researchers around the world, bringing the entire universe into focus, making it the greatest crossroads on the planet.

Here are some handy links:

 http://www.terrain.org/articles/21/skroch.htm

[Ref 2] http://www.fs.fed.us/rm/pubs_rm/rm_gtr264/rm_gtr264_006_018.pdf

[Ref 3] http://www.fs.fed.us/rm/pubs_rm/rm_gtr264/rm_gtr264_036_059.pdf

[Ref 4] http://www.cbsnews.com/news/rare-jaguar-seen-roaming-southern-arizona-mountains/

[Ref 5] http://wildsonora.com/content/ocelots-arizona

[Ref 6] http://www.fs.fed.us/rm/pubs_rm/rm_gtr264/rm_gtr264_036_059.pdf

[Ref 7] http://sabo.org/

[Ref 8] http://www.checklist.org.br/getpdf?SL122-08

[Ref 9] https://www.desertmuseum.org/about/

[Ref 10] http://www.fs.fed.us/rm/pubs_rm/rm_gtr264/rm_gtr264_006_018.pdf

[Ref 11] http://www.tgms.org/show-2015/

[Ref 12] http://www.desertusa.com/ind1/ind_new/ind11.html

[Ref 13] http://arizonaexperience.org/remember/coronado-expedition

[Ref 14] http://www.indians.org/welker/geronimo.htm

[Ref 15] http://www.go-astronomy.com/observatories

A Science Parody

“If I can model them, they exist…” quote from a theoretical physicist, asked about unicorns.

“I never met a proxy for climate I didn’t like. It’s the real climate that won’t cooperate…” quote from a climate scientist.

“Astronomical alignment…strange coincidence,” quote from an archeologists.

“Whatever they say…” quote from a man on the street.

Views from an EU Skeptic…

I am new to the Electric Universe. Since declaring myself a science writer, of course I’m skeptical. Let me tell you why.

According to the EU theory, the ancients left messages that awhile back, Saturn bussed Earth and Mars into this crappy neighborhood to diversify with gas giants.

This does sound like archaic thinking on integration – today, if we needed to diversify with gas giants, we’d change local zoning laws and make them come to us.

Given this air of plausibility, I had to check the theory out. So, I started with the highest authority I could find. Unfortunately, Jon Stewart had just quit the job.

I called Oprah, because her guest was the world’s leading celebrity expert on being an expert. She put the super-smart astrophysics populist on the line. He said, “Electri-what – never heard of it.”

I said, it’s the thing that makes your phone work.

He said, “My phone works because time dilation in a black hole gravity-well provides a direct link via wormhole to a parallel universe where I’m speaking to an alternative version of you that split away at a past quantum decision node.” He said we were communicating “via entanglement,” but the conversation hadn’t actually happened yet.

“Your universe may be full of this electro-whatchamacallit”, he said. “There are always new universes bubbling up and trying new things.” He then insisted I look around my universe because he was missing one of his socks.

Apparently the wormhole collapsed because I heard a click, then silence.

Having failed to get information from either the celebrity expert, or the smartest man in the world*, I turned to the truest authority of all. Reality TV.

Kim and Kanye took my call with polite patience.

“Can I Rap it?” said Kanye, after I explained. Kim broke into song,

“Oo-oo-oh, electric universe

I love that name ‘cause it’s so perverse

Tickle my booty with an electric thang

Shoot your plasma in my pootey-tang!”

Kanye put his hand over the phone, I think, because I heard thumps. Then the wormhole must have collapsed.

I realized asking popular celebrities about technical matters might be the wrong tactic, since – as I now learned – celebrities live in a parallel universe. I’d always heard that, but never took it literally. So, I turned to the intellectual elite.

I could not reach Al Gore, but the Science Guy answered and gave me a lesson in real science I’ll never forget.

At that moment he and ‘The Man’ were rounding up a few dozen 747’s to fly staff, the press, any interested parties with good cameras, and a cargo of 15 million gerbils for emergency relief to the State of California.

I learned the Governor, also an elite, had declared a state of emergency after earth scientists at UC Berkeley revealed in a recent peer-voted paper (‘Blue Ribbon – Most settled new science discovery of 2015’) that California’s climate change induced drought was causing accelerated sea level rise.

Simple deductive reasoning told them if it wasn’t raining, the water had to be somewhere. The heroic earth scientists immediately formed an expedition that pedaled to the distant shores of Marin County to take measurements.

When the peloton of PhD’s arrived, they were shocked to find the Pacific Ocean actually lapping upon the beach in wave upon wave of excess water.

They immediately deduced their deduction was proof of an abruptly accelerated sea level rise, since proxy analysis of salt encrustations above water line indicative of past wave action solidly confirmed the current state could only be generated by an influx of excess water.

This finding was confirmed by scientists at JPL, who empirically demonstrated the volume of excess water in the ocean precisely correlated with their estimates of lost rainfall, which made the science double settled.

Since the Governor had already deployed the National Guard to confiscate gluten and arrest purveyors of GMO’s, he could not deploy them to bail the ocean.

He declared a state of emergency to access federal relief funds for the construction of a ten-billion dollar, ratepayer funded, loan guaranteed, tax incentivized, DOE over-funded, biomass power plant to generate 0.5 Watts of renewable energy to offset the drought causing CO2.

Algae that grow extremely fast on gerbil excrement fuels the plant, specifically designed by the UC Davis Free-Range Organic Engineering Department to offset enough CO2 to calm the waters and halt the impending floods.

California gerbils could not be used, however, because that confused the CO2 models. Al Gore generously offered to use some of the Governor’s emergency funds to bring gerbils from Tennessee, where wind power and GHG offsets had already been purchased to negate regional gerbil emissions.

The Governor needed gerbils right away. I could not interrupt this important work.

I’m left wondering. Shouldn’t these smart, powerful and admired people also be curious about a theory that explains so much with such specific evidence – a testable theory so elegant that it is actually comprehensible?

Nah! If there was anything to this Electric Universe thing, these would be the first people to say so. I have got to go now…Ancient Aliens is on.

A.D. Hall

* As of this writing there is still no ‘smartest woman’, but there is an international diversity task force studying how to revise the IQ test by replacing multiple-choice questions with multiple-choice emoticons. Actual questions were determined to be unjust micro-aggressions that skew results and often leave subjects with PTSD.

Electric Siberia

Is there strange energy in Siberia? It is a strange place.

First take a look at the featured image above. The image is courtesy of ESA/NASA, and depicts the Earth’s magnetic flux on July 14, 2015. It is showing the Earth’s magnetic poles splitting from a dipole to a four-pole arrangement, an expected development for the pole shift that is well underway.

The mean magnetic north rests somewhere in the sea between the dark red shaded regions of high flux over arctic Siberia and Canada, and it’s rapidly tracking towards Siberia. But it now looks like there are two poles forming at both ends of the planet – four poles – the Southern hemisphere looks much the same. And the deep red blotch over Siberia is gaining strength.

Siberia. Now let’s zoom in to look at some weird stuff.

The Patomskiy Crater – one of many mysterious features in the Taiga.
Siberian Times
Image credit: The Siberian Times

Discovered by a geologist in 1949, this limestone crater is about 150 meters rim to rim. It has a rounded mound in the center. Locals refer to it as  the “fiery eagles nest,” because that’s what it looks like – with an egg. Russian geologists suspect it was formed by a meteorite 250 years ago. Many people doubt it’s a meteorite, although tests reveal a high density, electromagnetic anomaly below the crater.

Prevailing theory today is that it has a geological cause, although many scientists still think it is an impact. This shape is similar to many seen on Mars and moons in the solar system.

As a matter of fact, there are a dozens where I live in Arizona. Wait…ours don’t have the egg in the middle. Apparently that makes all the difference, because no one seems to have high confidence they know what it is.

Other features of the crater:

  • No radioactivity is measured today, but analysis of trees nearby show high radioactivity at the time geologists believe it was formed, around 250 years ago.
  • Visitors report it is exceptionally hot inside the crater.
  • They also report it swells and subsides, like it’s slowly breathing.

I especially liked hearing that last one. Now let’s take a look at some other oddities in the region.

The Valley of Death – this one is spooky.

Unaccountable metallic hemispheres have been reported in the Upper Viliuy River basin – if you watch Ancient Aliens, you’ve heard of them. I know, that’s no reason to believe they are there, or that they aren’t somebody’s abandoned Volgas, but it’s Russian scientists reporting in this case.

tunguska56A team of eight researchers, including geologists, an engineer and an astrophysicist, located five, sunk a few feet below water. But they walked on them and felt them and said they are definitely metallic, with a surface smooth to the touch, and sharp points along the edge. They are about nine feet in diameter just as locals have always claimed.

The first official report of the cauldrons dates from explorations over one hundred and fifty years ago, when the cauldrons were still partially above ground. Local stories abound. Witnesses say the metal appeared to be made of copper or bronze, but they could not dent or scratch the material.

Two of the researchers on the team got sick. This seems to be expected on a visit to the cauldrons – local Yakut people stay clear of the area. Stories by people who claimed to camp beneath them before they sank in the swamp reported sickness and skin lesions, like exposure to radiation might cause.

tunguska58The region is known locally as Uliuiu Cherkechekh – Valley of Death. According to Russian geologists, the region experienced a cataclysm some 800 years ago, much like the Tunguska event, toppling entire forests and scattering stone fragments across hundreds of square miles. Large craters, believed to be ancient meteor impacts are nearby. In fact there is a lot of stuff nearby.

The Tunguska event happened there. You know the story. In 1908, a huge flash of light in the sky, trees bowled over in some tremendous shock wave that left ears ringing and people complaining of symptoms of radiation. Early visitors to the site reported the ground was heaved in waves like water at ground zero. But it left no crater.

Tunguska is a little south of the Valley of Death. The size of the blast is estimated to be on the order of 15 megatons. It flattened over 800 hundred square miles of forest.

A little know fact, in 1908, German Professor, Herr Doctor Weber of the University in Kiel, was monitoring the magnetosphere for auroras. As he recorded in the Astronomische Nachrichten (Astronomical News), no auroras were detected, but he measured a constant, steady vibration in magnetic declination for several hours over the same daily time periods, three evenings prior to the Tunguska event. The signal ceased after the event. He ruled out local interference.

It was as if the meteor was communicating it’s arrival to earth. And he was picking up the signal from space every evening when Earth’s rotation brought it overhead as it was heading our way.

In 2002, a meteor exploded over the Vitim River basin estimated to produce a 5 kiloton blast. Researchers found a 40 square mile area flattened much like Tunguska, where the meteor was found to have exploded overhead. Most unusual, the area was suffering a power blackout during the strike, but when the meteor flashed overhead, the grid was activated by the electrical field of the meteor. Residents’ lights flickered on a few seconds, while crackling was heard in the sky and electrical discharges sparked along the tops of metal fences. Many people reported effects of radiation.

Three more invaders from the cosmos have approached the area recently, including the big, bright screamer that exploded over Chelyabinsk in February, 2013. The original estimate of it’s size had to be upped by a factor of 1000 when data streamed in showing it was 30 times more powerful than Hiroshima, on the order of a 500 kiloton blast. They said it was a once-in-a-hundred-year event.

The following year it happened over Yakutia. Another exploded near Murmansk in April, 2014, one month later. Witnesses said it looked like an electric flash. It’s as if the area has an energy of it’s own that amplifies the energy of the meteors.

In the 1950’s, the Soviets tested nuclear weapons in the the Valley of Death – years after locals had already reported effects of radiation sickness – so their bombs didn’t cause it. The unusual thing is one test produced a blast that far exceeded the explosive power of the bomb being tested. As reported by the German Radio Station Deutsche Welle in 1991, a small 10 kg nuclear device tested in 1954 registered an astounding 20 to 30 megatons, and was recorded by seismic instruments around the world. This has been a puzzle ever since.

Back to the Yakuts – they aren’t surprised. Strange things around the cauldrons have happened for centuries. According to ancient lore, fiery spheres soar into the sky from the cauldrons trailing a column of flame and a succession of thunderous booms. Over decades it happens with increasing intensity, until a huge fireball, fiery whirlwinds and sheets of lightning streak the sky and cataclysmic explosions lay waste to the land.

Legend says these things happen every six, or seven hundred years, time and again. That would match the frequency of every other grand solar minimum. I mention that since we are entering one. Legends aren’t too specific on dates, so I don’t know if there is any correlation in timing.

Now let’s talk about something very recent.

The Siberian “What the Fuck” holes.

That’s right, those giant vertical holes that just appeared on the landscape. This one is 60 meters across and no one knows how deep. Like the other six recently discovered on the Yamal Peninsula, it’s filling with water so no one has seen the bottom, but they say it’s at least 200 feet deep.

YAMAL-CRATERS-7
Image credit: The Siberian Times

Residents in the area claimed to see a cloud of smoke and a streak of bright light in the sky before this hole appeared out of nowhere. Mainstream science dismisses these sightings as mass hysteria phenomena. They always say that about people who actually witness the event. Apparently only scientists are allowed to believe their own eyes.

YAMAL-CRATERS-15
Image credit: The Siberian Times

They are blaming these things on Global Warming. So let’s forget how scary they are and put up more windmills. We have a politically correct answer, so science achieved its goal.

They say permafrost melted, releasing frozen methane bubbles that burst out, possibly igniting at some point in the process. That could only happen once the gas reached air and a source of ignition.

Unfrozen methane would have to be contained where it could mix with air and ignite to blow plugs out of the ground like this. This shear vertical shaft must be the result of shock waves from an explosive event. Look at the surface of the crater walls. Can you see the circular pits? Something spauled shallow, smooth pits on the walls. The flare at the top is very strange, too.

And where did all that earth go that was displaced? That’s a big plug of dirt, and there isn’t much debris on the crater rim or around the area – the crater rim looks like just the top soil pushed-up. Some speculate a big ice plug was in there, and warmed from faults below, methane popped it out like a champagne cork. A giant ice spear like that would leave an impact crater of it’s own wherever it landed. It didn’t just ooze out of the hole, or there would be evidence on the crater rim.

There is gas in the region. There are more drilling rigs than reindeer in Siberia. And there are lot’s of circular holes in the ground. It’s natural in permafrost for ice lenses to form below ground in a formation called a pengo, and then collapse, leaving thousands of round pools. But they aren’t 200 feet deep with vertical sides and crater rims.

On the other hand, I wonder if a pengo’s ice lens could look and feel like a metallic dome.

 These things are very strange, so let’s look at the region. Perhaps there is another explanation.
Siberia box
Click to enlarge

Notice Lake Baikal near the bottom of the boxed area. That’s the largest volume of fresh water on the planet. It doesn’t look that big, but it’s deep. The slot it’s in is the deepest rift zone in the world, where Asia is ripping apart.

The water is a mile deep, but there is another seven miles of sediment below that. It holds 20% of the worlds unfrozen fresh water, more than all the Great Lakes combined.

The area is seismically active, and it’s well established that electrical phenomena occur in seismic zones. In other words, there are anomalies in the electric ground potential in the region. Now look again at where the heavy red blotch is on the magnetic flux map above. That means a heavy anomaly in space too.

Image credit: NASA
Image credit: NASA

I don’t know about bronze cauldrons, or crater eggs. I do believe the flashes and columns of light were witnessed. I tend to believe people know what they saw and remember when it’s something really astonishing. From ancient times to present, balls and shafts of light in the sky are a recurring theme. For recent news on atmospheric phenomena, including some incredible video, go to: SuspectSky

Some theorize these events to be caused by electricity, not meteors or comets. A powerful lightning bolt from space, or a plasmoid of electrical energy from the sun. We know these things have occurred in the past. Ancient petroglyphs, without doubt, depict massive plasma displays in the sky, from what can only be cosmic electrical events.

Watch David Talbott and Wallace Thornhill describe the evidence and the consequence of what our ancestors witnessed thousands of years ago at Thunderbolts.info. While you are there, look for my Thunderblogs, were I’ve written about the evidence of electrical scars on the planets and moons of our solar system.

The fact is, we live under an electric sky.

It gets its climate, weather and energy from the sun – not just from it’s radiant heat, but from its electric field. Don’t believe it, look at the Northern Lights. That is exactly what they are – neon lights charged by electricity from the sun.

Lightning bolts don’t just come from clouds. We can witness the giant plasma discharges that take place above storm clouds as electric current flows down from space. The lightning that strikes earth looks different, because the atmosphere it pierces constrains it. So in space we see neon shapes, but below our storm clouds – those big capacitors sitting between Earth and space – the discharge is ‘squeezed’ into a lightning bolt. There is no limit to the size and power one of these things can deliver. It’s just a consequence of the charge differential and the resistance between. Current flows in space with very little resistance.

I think Tunguska and the other events were meteors, but the energy of their blast was magnified due to electrical discharge when they reached the Earth’s atmosphere. After all, the beautiful Northern Lights we see is our magnetic field funneling the Sun’s current into the Earth. Throw a large body from space, with it’s own electric potential into the middle and sparks are bound to fly.

Could the WTF holes be caused by lightning? I don’t see why not. There have been lightning fulgurites found as long as 30 meters and a foot in diameter. No reason they couldn’t get bigger. Permafrost should be a good conductor, passing current straight through to the bedrock. The material in the hole, much of it water-ice in permafrost, would be vaporized and carried away in the 2000° Kelvin heat of an electric discharge.

We may see many unusual events in the sky and here on Earth as our magnetic pole flips, and as our sun goes to sleep. To get comprehensive daily space weather, Earth weather and earthquake reports, and to learn more about the Sun-Earth connection, please visit: Suspicious0bserver

I would like to see more of our science experts get on with understanding electric fields in space, how they interact with Earth, and preparing us for the dangers. Fortunately, there is growing awareness due to a few courageous and observant scholars who are unafraid to look beyond convention and believe their own eyes. Please visit the websites I mention and join me here at this website, as we peel back the veil of ignorance.

A.D. Hall

Requiem for the Big Bang

You live in a new Age of Enlightenment…you just don’t know it yet.

Let me tell you why, and what it means to you.

For over a century, scientists have dumped billions of your tax dollars and tied-up countless intellectual resources researching the structure and origin of the cosmos. The result has not shed light on anything.

To the contrary, they have shrouded the truth in dark matter, dark energy, black holes, and big bangs. They invent theories of parallel universes, multiverses, many worlds, quantum foams, and rolled-up dimensions that no one can detect – and tsk-tsk that only they are damn smart enough to comprehend it.

Do their theories sound like reality? Do they resemble anything we actually see, or experience?

They say miracles don’t happen. They say the universe exploded from nothing without any reason. They say the more matter you have, the smaller it gets, until it disappears in a ‘black hole.’ These sound like miracles to me.

It’s also depressing. They tell us everything we see is only 4% of what is there, because the rest is made of stuff we can’t touch, see, measure or even imagine. They say only they have the intellectual authority to comprehend, so just shut-up and give them more money to study it.

Doesn’t this picture of the universe leave you cold, bleak and disconnected – understanding less – not more about it?

If their theories were used cars, we’d have solved the energy problem because we’d be driving mathematical constructs – things without wheels or engines.

Today there are scientists with a new theory – and this one works – it has wheels!

They describe a universe full of light, life and promise. A universe that is comprehensible, based on theories we can test, see, and that time and again, produce astonishingly accurate predictions. It is known as the Electric Universe.

In 2004, the Thunderbolts Project launched to explore the Electric Universe. The Thunderbolts Project is a group of scientists and scholars who are making sense of our universe and the role humans play in it. They are also making sense of our ancient history. That means your place in history and the cosmos, too.

They have taken science out of the dogmatic paradigms of invisible mathematical concepts to look at the universe as it really is – and discovered its beauty – coursing with real energy and real purpose.

Led by plasma physicists and a growing number of scholars, Thunderbolts has taken a fresh look at space and realized – hey, it’s full of electricity. Everywhere astronomers look, they see evidence of electro-magnetic forces at work.

The standard model of physics ignores the forces of electro-magnetism, relying instead on the idea that gravity is the only architect of the cosmos. But electro-magnetism is trillions of times stronger than gravity and we can see it at work. Why does mainstream science ignore it?

Mainstream science doesn’t understand plasma.

Plasma is everywhere we look in space – stellar nebula, stars, solar winds and galaxies. Plasma rains down in the beautiful displays of polar auroras and lightning, right here on earth.

It is a fundamental state of matter – along with solids, fluids and gasses, there is plasma. It is a charged soup of electrons, protons and ions. And plasma conducts electricity.

Why don’t mainstream physicists account for this in the universe? Because if they started finding real answers we’d stop paying them to make-up imaginary stuff.

The Electric Universe does not throw the applied science we know and depend upon under the bus. Gravity still keeps us stuck to the earth. We still have E= mc2.

It simply discards the unworkable and unreasonable theories of magic in cosmology and seeks to understand what is really out there. And boy is it working.

Their predictions so far are astounding.

  • They explain the surface features of Pluto, Mars, Mercury, Venus, our Moon and the rocky moons of Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus and Pluto, as well as features found here on earth which still baffle and cannot be adequately explained by mainstream science.
  • They explain the nature and behavior of comets, and made predictions that have been verified.
  • They explain how stars and galaxies form in a Universe coursing with electricity.

The theory is solidly supported by the evidence we observe without needing to imagine invisible dark matter, dark energy, dark elves, or any other phony flavor of the day.

Not only do their theories predict the behavior of our universe, they explain the greatest mystery of mankind – our ancient history.

Dating from the end of the last ice age, cataclysmic events in the sky and on earth were recorded by our ancestors around the world in petroglyphs, hieroglyphs, megaliths, pyramids, obelisks, legends and archaic texts we have struggled to understand ever since. Science says they are just stories, made up by our ancestors to scare the kids into bed.

Mainstream science says the alignment of megalithic structures, like Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid were just so the builders would know when to plant crops. Why would they need huge boulders to do that?

They didn’t. They were recording events that rocked their world – literally. And these were electro-magnetic plasma discharges and a rain of planetary debris.

That is why mythology is full of fire and brimstone raining from the sky. And global flooding, fiery dragons and the heroes that battled them, which live on as ancient legends around the world. It was a cataclysm that nearly wiped out mankind, and we’ve been suffering the trauma ever since.

The Electric Universe brings into focus what is really happening in our universe with elegance, clarity and simplicity.

It is no more mysterious that the computer screen in front of you. Okay, so that’s a mystery to me, too. But any electrical engineer can understand it, and so can we. Its stuff anyone can comprehend.

You don’t need to be an Einstein, or Hawking, with an IQ big enough to dream-up things that don’t exist. And you don’t need to keep sending those guys our tax dollars. Go to Thunderbolts.info to find the real story for yourself. You will be amazed.

A.D. Hall

An Open Letter to Visitors from Biker Entourage

Pardon my French, but Sacre Crapeaux! It means holy shit…I think. Bells ring in my head, addled as it is. Eureka! I have found my spiritual home.

Bikerentourage.com

Is it possible? Biker Entourage is motorcycles, psychedelics and the people who ride them? I feel more interconnected than a DMT flash. I feel more resonance than a 998 Desmocedici at 8500 rpm. I feel both!

Psi-rider…mount your café racer for a ride in my brain!

Take the on-ramp to my Cerebrum. Ignore the Temporal Lobe…it is closed for repair.

Beware off-camber twisties in the folds of the Frontal Lobe. There are potholes there.

Add power…add speed for the sweeper ahead,

Drag your knee in Basal Ganglia and up-shift with throttle-wide in the Corpus Collosum,

Do a wheelie in Medulla Oblongata, if you like, and burn rubber in the Occipital Lobe,

But, red-line the Hypocampus and downshift drift the Amygdala, echoing a thrum upon the Pons.

Then park in level C of the Cerebellum. I’ll meet you there.

I feel how I imagine a ride to the shooting range with Hunter S. Thompson – or pubbing with Peter Egan and Terence McKenna. Those things aren’t possible for Terence and Hunter, bless their souls – they will never know the experience of reading me, or having a beer with me.

But we can! Yes, you and me – reader and writer – as I still live and write. This can change at anytime, as you well know how it is with writers and motorcycles. But once written, it lives forever…and thereby my heart feeds you, as I feed on you like a parasite, too.

I digress. You are probably wondering who in hell I am. I am A. D. Hall, a writer and a traveler. May favorite rides are a Ducati S4RS and Mescaline – so visceral and erotic.

Psilocybin and scooters are a close second. The elves like scooters. I’d love to own an Indian and take Ayahausca some day – it seems a marriage of the gods, no?

I live in Arizona, which is psychedelic in itself, especially this time of year. I think the temp is 111, as I write, which means I can go outside for fifteen minutes and experience hallucinations. I do this on the scooter – the Duc would fry my legs. It produces total, irrevocable madness within twenty minutes, so I am careful.

As the swamp cooler blows a moist chill on my sweaty neck, and the cheap Canadian whiskey I bought last night yields it’s last precious ounce into my cup, I almost weep with joy. The emotion is real, if exaggerated – that’s what whiskey does to me – but let this be known; I wish to join this community.

I wish to pledge my considerable writing talent as a voice – to you, to us, and to those out there who have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s my humble opinion they need to understand. The whole world needs to understand.

Who can engage one’s mind with spiritual botanicals, or race two-wheeled on a smooth, curved mountain road, and still be bothered to commit jihad, or send thousands of troops to their deaths in foreign lands? It’s inconceivable. So like Jesus, we have a message. It is as important as his – the “do unto others…” one.

No ma’am, no sir! I’m not comparing myself to Him. I am but a disciple, no matter how arrogant my tone. That is a consequence of the cheap Canadian stuff…like I said. But the mission – the mission – let’s not lose our thread.

It is to Trip Others – a term I now coin – unawares, into a forced psychedelic experience for the betterment of mankind. My idea is to create and weaponize a psychedelic toenail fungus that pumps psycho-actives into the bloodstream, like a tic delivers Lyme disease, but with altruistic intent. Then disperse it in Moscow, Tehran, Beijing, Washington and other strategic places.

I am thinking of a Dr. Scholl’s type delivery system of our own patent, or perhaps Korean nail salons. There are many details to fix, and talks with the Koreans are not going well. Are there podiatrists among you?

San Francisco, Paris and London won’t need it. Those places are already enlightened – unless they want to volunteer. I figure, once we know how to make it we can grow enough for everybody.

That includes your city, Gotham – New York, New York! Grimy Atlantis of the Millennium. I have spent good times there. High times. If only I lived closer, my first instinct is to join you on a ride, side by side, somewhere Upstate to look for Bigfoot. We’re teaching him to ride out here. But let’s speak of that another day. Today, our topic is the Purple Armageddon.

Bikes are the instruments of distribution, of course. We can go any place on earth with the right, dual-sport bikes, and escape, too. You know traffic in these big cities. A rush hour attack and we own the split-lane! Get it? Is the picture coming to focus? Rebels with a cause – that’s us!

I implore you. I don’t have the mycological knowledge to do it myself. Nor could I be a lone superhero like Ewan McGregor, riding the globe dispersing the stuff and still get the coordinated mind-meld that’s most effective.

It will require a common temporal battleground, a Megiddo of the conscience. If we can get all of the world leaders into the same “room with the elves” – problem solved – that’s the plan.

That’s why a community like this needs me, for this kind of brilliant idea. So, now that we’re together – tell me how I can help you, so you can help me – let’s work together. Who is the Shaman of this new family of mine? Call me.

Before I close and let this sink in to your minds – I’ll assume it is momentarily stressed at the audacious criminality of our venture – let me say, fear not. The utter logic of it will eventually take hold and you will gleefully go forward, a battalion of ghost riders; Knights Templar of the Psychedelic Apocalypse – keepers of the Grail of Enlightenment – Onward Psychedelic Soldiers…Marching as to war!

Even if your ultimate fate is crucifixion in a stuck-up, unenlightened world, rest assured, I will carry the torch. I am shielded from crucifixion by fixion. A linguistic inoculation that protects me as a writer.

So relax, and let me offer a diversion while your mind assimilates. I published a book of complete and utter nonsense about a character that is struck by lightning in a thunderstorm while on an Amanita Muscaria trip, and the consequences that flow from this profoundly dark and damaging experience.

Why don’t you take it to the beach this summer, as the Psychedelic Apocalypse gathers headwind. Enjoy its hallucinogenic, raunchy humor where the characters happen to – have you guessed, yet – Ride Fucking Motorcycles! Yes, that’s right. I wrote a novel specifically for you! Ain’t that the fuckin’ tits?

It is my modest gift, for the listed price at your e-book retailer. Just follow my links below and see my website, other writings of mine, and the book: “Lapse of Reason.” It’s my debut novel.

Such synchronicity – meeting on the very brink of my book’s release – the world in crisis and needing us – social media to bind us – are the result of long-term psychedelic brain modification, on my part, yours, and the elves, without a doubt.

Trip safely my friends, and feel free to share your favorite psychedelic with me (in a plain brown envelop with no return address). Adios for now. Our plot shall thicken!

Thank you.

A.D. Hall 6.25.15

https://andrewdhall.wordpress.com/welcome-2/novel/

Ten Things to Think About Blogging That You Haven’t Thought Before

I blog. I never set out to do this. It’s a requirement though, a machine sub-set routine I must initiate to flow attention to the novel I wrote. That is my job, writing novels, I thought.

It turns out that writing novels is only half the writing. The rest is all about traffic to your book in the age of Social Media and that’s business.

Fine. I can write creative posts. Apply my craft and try new voices in short form with direct feedback from the reader. It sounds like a good idea for a writer hungry to learn.

So I’ve been researching. It seems the way to do this is guest blog, which this is, and I thank the host for this opportunity. The host is me. I’m posting to myself. I just wanted to show how polite I am.

I’ve been reading blogs of other writers, looking for places to join or contribute, thinking that is where I can meet others of my ilk.

I have had trouble, and that is what I want to talk about. I see some great writing, but it’s dry, business-like. Everyone speaks as themselves.

Why shouldn’t writers of fiction, write fiction? Even when they’re not!

Isn’t it the task of the fiction writer to weave a reality? No one said that reality can’t be real. Go ahead. Fill the reader with facts and lists of Ten Best Things. Tell them what they need to know.

But do it with style. Use your voice. Create a drama, points of view. Don’t just lay your bloody thoughts out like the thing you left in the commode this morning. Write the thing!

I just thought I’d see more of that among the literary crowd. Where do thoughts fly like angels, with emotion and prose? Damn it! Will somebody please point me in the right direction?

Thank you.

A.D Hall, 6.30.15

Green Chile Werewolves

Friends, it is my passion to cook. I am not a particularly subtle cook. I like to spice it up.

I also don’t go in for fancy dishware and the like. I like to cook. So I’m posting something informative with a recipe of mine. You must try my Green Chile Werewolves. I will get to the recipe in a moment.

I warn you, this dish is clean, simple, but hot. Mighty hot. I think of it as a manly dish. That’s what brings to mind my topic: Manly cooking.

I know, cooking channels everywhere have male cooks, chefs and eaters. Probably more than female, I don’t know. The cooks are all mixed, the eaters are all male. There is no shortage of gluttonous women, but they don’t do it. It’s a manly thing.

Females never eat pickled bat guano in Thailand, or shove one hundred fried habanero-stuffed turkey balls in their pie-hole in under thirty-minutes. I never see “No Flicking the Jalapeno” plaques or trophies in the bitch-cave commemorating nacho-eating contests.

In fact, I’ll just get to the point. Eating is the only manly thing I see men doing. Their cooking sucks. Its too feminine.

I have no issue with the babes. They do feminine cooking and they should. A dish should be proud of its gender, and so the cook should be proud of the gender they give it. But it should be their-own gender.

I am not getting into the matter of that Jenner fellow…gal I mean. He’s another issue entirely – one that confuses me. No, I wish to speak about good-old, manly cooking.

Now here’s the thing. You’ll say, don’t men barbeque? Of course, and grill too. These we may set aside as particular male obsessions, in fact. But it is a narrow specialty.

I ask, who among men is out in the world doing the hard work of true, honest peasant cuisine in the very heart of darkness?

Out there, where there is no foam food. Out there, with a big knife and spoon, a bowl and iron pot, and the flames of Dante’s furnace the only tools.

There was a man of great talent once, who forged meals in such a way. Let me tell you of him.

He was a gentleman, his talent as a cook well known. But that is not the key here. This man had something else; an indefatigable curiosity and manly joy for life. Yes life!

For he recognized that food is the very essence of that joy. It is communion, and delicacy, and drinking, and pleasure, and drinking, and fun and glorious! And it’s even better with a drink.

That man is Keith Floyd. Did you know him?

Keith Floyd was the original manly cook. No one before or since has honored food in such a way. Articulate-smart-funny-tasteful. But he didn’t suffer fools. He made one of himself with regularity, and never tried to hide it. Such honesty in a man transcends mere cooking!

The BBC program, ‘Floyd on Fish’ was his first. I believe it to be his best and the only place to start, if you are so inclined. It was he I watched in my youth, and from him I learned the essentials.

If you’re a man and can’t cook anything except meats, learn from Floyd. Find him on You-Tube.

Now grab a beer, let’s cook Green Chile Werewolves.

Green Chile: One pound of pig meat.

One 32-ounce can of whole Green Chilies.

One 14-ounce can of chopped tomatoes.

One, big as you dare, can of chopped jalapenos.

A big onion.

A handful of garlic.

Stock – you should already have stock from scratch. I don’t have time to get into that now, go buy chicken stock.

Werewolves: Cheese – you call it, pick your mold. I like a blend of Mexican stuff, fresh made. You may not have it where you live. Longhorn Colby mixed with Jack always works.

Big flour tortillas. Be a man and spring for the kind sold raw. Cook them yourself. If you’re a pussy, go ahead and get them made and packaged.

Have some good olive oil on hand. Now let’s cook.

Chop that pig meat into chunks. Use a cleaver, or machete – make fast work of it.

Turn your blade on the onion and garlic. Chop it rough. Throw the pig in a cast iron oven with some oil. Fire it up. Season it. Brown it. Throw in the onion.

Wait – no garlic yet. Let the onion get soft. Now garlic, throw it in and turn the fire down so it doesn’t burn.

Give it salt and pepper. If you like chile, add your favorite.

Let it simmer while you open all those goddamned cans. Dump them in the pot when you’re done. Chop those chiles first and sop up the mess. Add enough stock to make it swim.

Now stir the thing and put a lid on it. Let it cook for a good long while on a low burn, just watch the thing doesn’t char. Grab another beer.

Your going to cook again when the wolves are ready, but let that damn pot cook while you have a smoke, or something. Smoke the right thing and the timing will work out perfect.

Shred your cheese. Cook the tortillas under-crisp in oil. You want them bendable. Roll that cheese up in tortillas and put the damn things in a greasy pan. Those are the werewolves.

Now pour that stew on the wolves when it’s ready. Throw the pan in a hot oven for a while, until it gets bubbly. If you put some extra cheese on top – see it gets browned.

That’s it. Take them out and let them cool. Then feed your people.

I did this recipe for you men. Now, go get my book. Women won’t read it.

Thank you.

A.D. Hall 6.29.15

Happy Birthday, Mom

Photo on 2015-05-27 at 12.29 #2It’s three AM and I’ve been writing. I’m tired and ready for bed, but before I lay down, I check. She lies awake.

She can’t sleep the night through. Awake, alone in the dark, I don’t know how long she’s lain like this. I give her water and kiss her head.

She sips a drink to wet her lips, not interested in swallowing. Her legs are crossed, her hand clutches the rail, and she is sideways in the bed. She’s been writhing. It’s another rough night.

I straighten her out, stretch her leg and feel the tightness. A Charlie-horse is in her thigh that never goes away. I try to imagine what that is like.

I put ice in her water and raise her head to let her drink through a straw. I know she likes the cold water. No one gives her ice anymore.

She drinks the whole glass, and whispers, “That’s good.” Then rests her head.

That’s all she’ll say, I don’t expect more. Her brain was split apart by stroke, half of it dead more than a decade now. The stroke shut her mouth.

She’ll have lucid times on a good day, if she’s stimulated. She rattled-off five short sentences one afternoon, totally coherent communication, but that happens less often. Most days, there isn’t much stimulation.

We get her up at nine for the bathroom. Then at noon for coffee and cookies – that’s her favorite. Oatmeal and banana for breakfast, sitting in the wheelchair. Mid-afternoon we move her to the Big Chair, where she naps until five. Then it’s coffee and cookies again before dinner and to bed about eight. That’s her day.

Except for the meals and the transfers, she sits like a piece of furniture, barely animated, barely awake, as we go about our business. The room is calm and quiet, with the TV usually on a station the health care worker watches.

The lovely woman who helps care for Mom will not be here today, so I’ll do these things, plus take her to the bathroom, clean her ass, wipe the piss off the floor, dress her in a clean gown and scrub my hands before serving her cookies.

If she can’t get back to sleep, I’ll have to get her up to the bathroom and then the Big Chair. This gets her leg bending so it eases the muscle and she can sleep. The Big Chair reclines.

The prospect of this at three in the morning angers me. I’m running on ass-dragging empty. I want to lie down and catch a few precious hours of sleep before this routine begins. Right now, I don’t want to lift sacks of potatoes and wipe piss off the floor.

She won’t sleep. She looks at me and pulls crab-like on the rail, pulling her body sideways in the bed. I slide her back in place. I’m not patient about it and she slaps my arm as I push – a strong backhand.

I toss covers off her leg and she says, “Covers!”

“In a minute Mom. I’m going to stretch your legs.” I do the right first, bending her knee and growl at her, “Push…push your leg out, Mom.” She makes an effort and I can feel the muscle begin to ease-up. It never fully relaxes anymore.

Her hand scratches for the sheets to pull them over her bare legs. This, believe it or not, is because she’s modest about her yoo-hoo. She shouldn’t worry. I ain’t lookin’.

I do the left. She doesn’t push with the left. That’s the dead one, where the muscles are drawn into rigor. My tone with her is harsh. “Is it easy now?” I want her to tell me it’s okay, so I can go to bed. She can respond when she’s alert, like now. I’m gruff because she won’t.

She looks at me, her eyes brighter than usual at this time. She’s fully alert. I pull the rocking chair close and sit by her. I raise the bed so she sits upright. That stretches her hip and legs and I get more ice water for her.

She’s happy I’m there. She doesn’t want to be alone. I want to go to bed.

“You know, we can’t do this forever, Mom.”

I am the youngest of five sons. When she had the stroke, it was our decision to keep her at home. My brothers, the best heeled of the bunch, took the financial burden on themselves for Mom’s care, and we all take turns on “Mom duty.” There was never a question of putting her in a home. She had a home.

“You’re like a cockroach, you know that?” I say. Her body won’t quit. She grew-up barefoot in Arkansas while World War One raged in Europe. She’ll be one hundred and one on her birthday. By cosmic coincidence, I was born on her birthday. We share that.

She learned to type and moved on her own to live and work in Dallas. That’s where my Dad met the pretty, sweet, but independent young woman.

They came west in the years of Depression, and raised chickens and five boys. Dad passed away. The boys retired, except for me. I’m just out of work.

The oldest son can’t come to see Mom anymore. Cancer has him. It may be Mom outlives him. I don’t want to see that.

Mom’s health is faltering. She can’t exercise anymore. But she slides down the slippery slope very slowly. Jim’s catching up fast. Not that I want the race to end, I just don’t want him to win.

I give her more water. “I’ll lay you back down,” I say. “See if you can sleep.” She closes her eyes as I lay the bed low. I leave to brush my teeth. Out of the room, I scream, “For fucks sake God, take her away! Why leave her hurting like this?”

I’m not expecting a response from him either. The worthless fuck.

I check one more time. Her eyes are closed. She’s pretending. I sit by her side. “You’re not sleeping,” I say. Her eyes open, still bright. She knows I want to leave.

I know she doesn’t want me to leave. She doesn’t like to lay by herself in the dark…hurting. She doesn’t want me to be mad though.

I lean close to her. She turns her head. She is embarrassed and does not want to breathe on me. She knows her breath is awful.

I don’t care. “Mom,” I say. “This is crazy. You need to let go. This isn’t good for anybody.”

Her eyes are bright and she reaches out to me. I feel her soft, warm hand on my ear. She sticks her finger in.

Tears well from somewhere I haven’t been in a very long time – a little boy with his mother pinching his ear.

I bow my head and cry. She pinches me again, still looking at me. Still caressing my ear.

I’m in a place I never want to leave.

I look at her. I don’t see her mouth hanging open. I don’t see her drooling. I see my Mother, who taught me to listen, to cook and to love. I remember now. I love her. I love her so much that it hurts.

I say, “Let’s get you up to the Big Chair, Mom.” She smiles her crooked smile and I know that’s the thing that she needs. As gently as I can, as patient as I can, with all the love I can, I do all the things that entails. I have no more anger. I’m with her. I want her as long as I live.

A.D. Hall 6.28.15